Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Steven Wright
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

Steven Wright
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Steven Wright
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Steven Wright
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Steven Wright
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

Steven Wright
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

Steven Wright
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

Steven Wright
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

Steven Wright
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

Steven Wright
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted
Go to page: