There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."

Jerry Seinfeld
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's notto be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we areto the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.

Jerry Seinfeld
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

Jerry Seinfeld
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on 'How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?'

Jerry Seinfeld
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted