Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Mae West
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Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.

Bette Davis
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By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

Mark Twain
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Fred Allen
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Steven Wright
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Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn.

Hesiod
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Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

Jay Leno
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Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

Robert Benchley
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.

George Carlin
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Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

Jerry Lewis
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