Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

P. J. O'Rourke
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Milton Berle
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Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.

Victor Hugo
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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Bill Cosby
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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

Fran Lebowitz
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Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.

Cathy Guisewite
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Mark Twain
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Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Mark Twain
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Erma Bombeck
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

George Burns
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