I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Rodney Dangerfield
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

Charles M. Schulz
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.

Calvin Coolidge
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Elayne Boosler
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

Robert Benchley
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Rodney Dangerfield
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Steven Wright
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Joan Rivers
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

I like children - fried.

W. C. Fields
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Fred Allen
  |   favorited by 0 users
Submitted by: TheQuoted
Go to page: